Imperfectly Perfect
by Lysspugs
Summary: Johanna wants to know what makes Peeta Mellark so happy. So she asks him. His answer is not what she's expecting. Warning: Strong language and themes. Rated M just in case.


**So, it's like 9 at night and this just came to me, so I had to write it down before I forgot. This is going to be very depressing and quite painful. I apologize in advance. I'll update my other story later but I had to write this. Anyways, get out some tissues and let's begin!**

Johanna Mason was not what you would call your average girl. She had survived two hunger games and fought in a war. So it was understandable that she was not exactly the happiest person in Panem. She wasn't overly depressing or anything, but she told things how it was and didn't really care much if people disagreed. She wasn't one to go around telling jokes or smiling for no apparent reason. Sure she'd smile- maybe a laugh here and there- but she was never overly happy. Everyone knew this and everyone accepted it. Johanna knew she and all of the other hunger games/war veterans weren't expected to laugh and joke around a lot.

Which is why she was surprised when almost all the time she saw Peeta, he was smiling.

From what Johanna knew about Peeta- which was a lot, thank you very much- he was a very bright person. Sweet, caring, lighthearted, Peeta Mellark was everything you would expect from a boy who has had a happy life, and nothing you'd expect from someone who has been in his position. It was no secret the troubles he had been through. Two hunger games, one war, plus a imprisonment and a highjacking in the Capitol was enough to make anyone crazy. It was even rumored that his mother had abused him when he was a child. Yes, Peeta Mellark had gone through many hardships in his lifetime, but that never stopped him from smiling and joking around, and even using his well-known charisma to cheer up the people around him. Peeta seemed to have this light about him. Chances are, if you're talking to Peeta Mellark, you'll have a large grin, lighting up your features and an even brighter one directed at you by Peeta Mellark himself.

Now, Johanna just couldn't seem to understand what was making him so happy. She was used to knowing things, she considered herself to be a very informed person. But to her, Peeta Mellark was an enigma. He didn't make sense, and no matter how many times she tried to figure him out, she had no luck. This not knowing was eating her up inside. How was it possible that Peeta could be so happy, when she herself could barely make one smile a day? Finally, she couldn't stand it. She had to know.

-linebreak-

It was a clear November morning in district 12. Johanna Mason woke up with one determined thought in her head, "Find out what makes Peeta Mellark so happy." Maybe then, she could use that to make her happy too.

Johanna headed out to the Mellark bakery to start her search of the certain blonde-headed baker that could answer all of her questions. She found him at the counter talking to a customer with his signature grin on his face. As you can guess, the customer was smiling right back, albeit not as bright.

Johanna marched right up to Peeta and looked him straight in the eyes. "Cinnamon buns, we need to talk."

Peeta's grin just got wider as he turned to look at her. "Well good morning to you too Jo."

Johanna just rolled her eyes in response. "I don't have time for small talk," she grumbled. "We need to talk. Now. In private." And with that, she grabbed him by the ear and yanked him into the back room where nobody could hear them, him mumbling, "Ow,ow,ow…"

"Now," Johanna stated, turning around to look at him. "Time to talk."

"What was so important that you need to nearly rip my ear off trying to tell me?" He groaned, rubbing his ear in irritation.

"Stop being such a big baby," she chastised. "You're fine. Now, I have to ask you a question."

"Shoot," Peeta said, dropping his hand from his ear to give her his full attention.

Johanna was suddenly nervous. What was she supposed to say? She didn't want to upset him. Despite the strong façade that Peeta put up, Johanna knew how prone he was to flashbacks. She didn't want to trigger anything. Plus, his gaze was unnerving. How was she supposed to ask him anything with those big blue orbs staring at her so attentively? She had to choose her words carefully and say it without scaring him or making herself look like an idiot. Which so far, wasn't working out to well.

"I-" Johanna gathered her nerve and just blurted it out. "Why are you so happy all the time?"

"What?" Peeta looked at her, confusion etched in those big, distracting, blue eyes of his.

Well that didn't go as planned. "It's just- I mean- You're always s happy and stuff, when you been through two hunger games, a highjacking, a whole war, not too mention a bunch of other shit. How do you do it?" Her voice was a little desperate at the last question, she knew that, but Peeta was too distracted to even notice.

Peeta was staring off into space, deep into thought. Finally, after an agonizing 3 minutes, he answered.

"I don't know really," he started. "I guess it's just better than being depressed."

"What does that even mean?!" Johanna shouted, frustrated. She realized she was being loud, so she lowered her voice back to its normal volume. "That doesn't make any sense."

A ghost of a smile crossed Peeta's lips. "It doesn't, does it?" He let out a long sigh and tilted his head in thought. After a little while, he nodded his head decisively. "Okay, c'mon and sit down and let ol' Peeta explain." He sat down with his back against one of the cabinets where they kept the flour and Johanna followed in suit.

"I'm gonna tell you a story. It's a little depressing, so be prepared. You ready?" Johanna nodded her head, her eyes focused on Peeta.

"Okay," Peeta looked off into space and began his story. "When I was four years old, I decided to help out my after by making the icing for the cookies, since he was out and it needed to be done by the end of the day. As I was pouring the sugar into the cup, I spilt it all over the table. It went everywhere. Now, we had a scarce amount of sugar back then in district 12. We had to use every drop of every bag, otherwise we were wasting it all. While I was trying to clean up all of the sugar, my mother walked in." Here he swallowed hard and took deep breath, with a look of pain on his face.

"When she saw what happened, she flipped out. And I mean, _flipped out._ She started yelling and cursing. And then she-she grabbed a rolling pin and hit me with it." Johanna's breath hitched. "Seven times. each hit harder than the next. From my head to my toes. I had bruises for weeks. And the entire time, she was screaming at the top of her lungs. Yelling out profanities and insults. I can still remember her exact words. She said,

"You worthless bastard! How can you be so stupid! You had one job! One simple, easy job. AND YOU FUCKED IT UP! I wish you were never born you piece of shit! I wish you were a girl instead of being the worthless boy that you are right now! That would make everything easier! Now clean up this mess you dumbass! AND TRY NOT TO FUCK THAT UP TOO!"

The entire time that Peeta's telling his terrible story, he's staring at the ceiling. Almost as if he's telling that the story instead of Johanna.

"That was the first time she ever hit me. I would like to say that that was the worst punishment I've ever got, that those were the worst words she's ever said to me. But I'd be lying. She's done much worse. From giving me burns and cuts to yelling at me so much I swear my ears popped." Peeta glanced at Johanna to see a tear rolling down her cheek. He quickly turned his eyes back to the ceiling.

"This went on for years. Constant abuse. Physical and verbal. Until i got picked for the hunger games. My name was picked out of the bowl and I was sent into the arena. At least i got rid of her for a little while. All though my current situation wasn't the best, I tried to look on the bright side. Here, she couldn't beat me for every little mistake I made. She couldn't scream at me when I messed up. It was a nice change. Then, I went back home. She actually seemed relieved to see me." Peeta let out a bitter laugh. "It was good while it lasted."

"About a week into returning, she got mad at me. I can't even remember what for. All I remember is her going to slap me across the face, and me grabbing her wrist. When she reached out to hit me, I had a slight flashback. Instead of seeing my mom, I saw Cato, going to attack me. I freaked out. I grabbed her wrist, and twisted. i almost broke her arm. But I stopped. I finally got my normal senses back. I was horrified about what I had done. I would've did exactly what she did to me. Punish her. I realized that by doing this, by causing her physical _or_ verbal harm, would make me just as bad as her. I vowed to myself to never turn into her. Never do what she would have done. Never let my anger take over my actions and let me hurt people. I just couldn't turn into her. I couldn't. So from that day on, I watched myself. Made sure I wasn't changing into her."

Peeta let out a shaky breath and turned to look at Johanna. "I guess the point of this terrible story, is that I want to be different than my mother. I want to smile, because she never could. I want to laugh, because that was a foreign sound to her. I want to love, because she never did. But most of all, I want to be happy, because she never was."

Johanna looked at him, awe gracing her features. Never in a million years, did she think that this would be the answer to the question that she had wondered for so long. His answer was deep, thoughtful, and confusing. But at the same time, it made perfect sense. He didn't want to be like his mother, so he was the farthest thing from it. He was sweet. He was caring. He was loving. He was _happy._ It all made sense to her now. Maybe the perfect Peeta Mellark wasn't exactly as perfect as she thought. Or maybe he was. He took this hardship and made it a moral. He had a completely different point of view of the world than anyone Johanna had ever known. He wasn't perfect, but he was definitely something. He was… imperfectly perfect. Yeah, that's it. Imperfectly perfect. Has a nice ring to it.

"Well," Johanna said finally. "It looks like you're doing a great job so far."

The corners of Peeta's lips turned up a bit. "You think?"

His voice sounded teasing, but Johanna detected an undercurrent of nervousness. Vulnerability.

"I know," Johanna stated with a smile.

So yes, Johanna is not what you would call your average girl. She's snarky. sassy, and a just little bit sarcastic. But now she understands Peeta Mellark a little more. Now she can earn to smile more, to laugh more, to love more, and to be happy more. Then maybe, just maybe, she can be imperfectly perfect too.

 **DONE! 2,066 words. That's the most I've eve done! And that's not even coating the author's note! Go me! Review if you cried. I know I did. Peeta is by far my favorite character and I like his and Johanna's friendship a lot. Also Peeta's moms a bitch. Pardon my french. So read and review please!** **Thanks!**

 **-Lysspugs**


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